i miss nothing, i miss everything*

it's a lovely day filled with sunshine. the kinda day that's perfect for drinks like this.

and yet all im waiting for is evening.  

  i don't know why, but that's all i want right now... evening.

 candles. sweet potato. (@Lee_lah's) linen pants. brie..

and allll of this: 

[my brother says i look creepy when im holding a knife. #probablytrue]

and for you, i proclaim today's song: everytime you lie by demilovato.

happy birthday, daddy.

you're my favourite*

xoxo

contemplating you*

i came across these. they made me think of you.technically, im having tea. but i still cant get over how epic it is that you have a megaphone. and how priceless it would be to witness you telling your mom a story when she's upstairs. 

 we don't make sense. but you mean the world to me. so, like everything else. just accept.

we all say it now. especially the boys. silly influencial americans, they think they can just come here and change our vocabulary :) gosh.

today's number: 43. fragrance: white musk by thebodyshop. favourite meal: (tempted to say the eighth slice of pb toast..) tasty vegetarian-friendly wraps by daddy. favourite moment: ky. song: american girl by taylorswift. someone. tell me where my favourite places are. such a simple question. and yet.. it's proven so difficult. *freaking out* tomorrow is: make-britt-study-while-you-watch-skins-on-her-wonderful-mac day. oh, and soupkitchen-with-ali day. #ilovethegaplife. (twitter is life. only lisafortuin will get this.)

enchantedhappy xoxo

a million times before*

[image via herecomesthesun]

thelakehouse is on. but im trying not to pay attention, incase it breaks my heart. countdown to twoweeksnotice: thirtyseven minutes. "you weren't there. you didn't come." oh no, she sounds devastatingly calm. aaah he's asking her not to give up. whhhy is this movie on. why. (don't listen, andrea. don't listen to their heartbreak.)

(i love kittypaws. paws paws kittypaws.) stalking: forme-foryou. wonderful weekend photos. she has 'you are beautiful' engraved into her bedroom mirror. wears nailpolish in the colours i love. loves to photograph her cat. and she does 'this is what we ate' posts that actually look delicious. my calendar alarm for twoweeksnotice just went off. [view. confirm] i am taking this really seriously, haha im a strange lil girl. you know what i havent done in a while? iced cupcakes. and remember those homemade suckers? mmm summer.  

enchantedhappy xoxo

to be your anything*

[images via seemeeverywhere/artpixie]

that's how you make my heart feel. like it should twirl around and smile that smile. the smile only you can read, the smile your heart knows*

(nothing makes me smile like a new taylorswift song. and i just got a ton) rightnow im laughing at: monologue song (la la la) from when she was on snl. it's the greatest* mmm daddy's making delicous food. countdown to twoweeksnotice: three hours. countdown to thelakehouse: onehourhour. (not sure if ill be watching it though. my dad just told me it's like meetjoeblack, which broke my heart.) waitingfordinner songs: americangirl. your anything. barnyard song. lucky you. all by (you guessed it) taylorswift. apparently there are russian girls looking for me. um. no thankyou. i miss: gilmoregirls. blowpen artwork. the night we all stayed up downloading the chords to songs we loved to sing. you on guitar. and the 6am roadtrip that followed. mmmm freshcoriander. peppadew and feta. wonderful pesto. freshlybaked pitabread. exciting flavours exciting colours. I LOVE FOOD*

enchantedhappy xoxo

the way you show you love me*

[i wasn't implying that you were. i was saying please don't. she doesn't ever get to be ..one of yours. and this is not about trust or accusations. you know where i stand, whether you choose to believe it or not. don't get offended or mad with me. it's just... i see her and i worry. she isn't who she acts like. let me be protective of one thing, okay.]

 today wasn't fun. at all.

it felt like everything horrible that could happen chose today to show up.

but then i got a perfectly-timed romantic gift :) and a lovely conversation.

and yummy dessert*

 thankyou to you both.

joining in on much love mondays. and now to dream sweetly* (mostly bc all ive eaten today is jelly, strawberrycheesecake icecream, milktart and jellytots) bigbangtheory is rocking my world tonight. have a wonderful week :)

enchantedhappy xoxo

truth is strategic insight*

"Star-threaded bedsheets, murmurs behind the windowpane, clock-shaped fears.

I was never mine.

Time forgets easily about us, you should know.

Forgets to wipe the dust off toys and portraits nobody loves anymore.

Time forgets to place mailboxes on graves too. How very forgetful of him.

Ink-dipping nibs, fingers, eyelashes; everything, so it might turn to words, soon.

They'll glide, swans on the stillness of a lake (a midnight-sky; a heart; a death).

You must come and help slow down the thunderstorm; paper burns and melts, and what will be of me? Oh, how I'd love you if you came."

-restlesshearts

"Cemeteries in Bohemia are like gardens. The graves are covered with grass and colourful flowers. Modest tombstones are lost in the greenery. When the sun goes down, the cemetery sparkles with tiny candles. It looks as though the dead are dancing at a children's ball. Yes, a children's ball, because the dead are as innocent as children. No matter how brutal life becomes, peace always reigns in the cemetery. Even in wartime, in Hitler's time, in Stalin's time, through all occupations.

When she felt low, she would get into the car, leave Prague for behind, and walk through one or another of the country cemeteries she loved so well. Against a backdrop of blue hills, they were as beautiful as a lullaby." -theunbearablelightnessofbeing

jessicasmith, youll be proud. -ive finally begun stalking collegeboard in an attempt to find the perfect college for me.

did you know thenakedandfamous are from nz? i didnt. i did know that 'young blood' is the song of summer, though. and ive got it on repeat, until summer comes. that, and new new by raiknight.

current blog obsessions: found. but, honestly. -they make me think of tb- (and thank you for blogging, theautumngivesleaves)

writing lovely letters. and romantic emails to my faraway friends. yummmmy veggies (thankyou daddy) and gossipgirl reruns have made my evening wonderful*

enchantedhappy xoxo

alfonzo isn't classy*

soundtrack to the weekend: B's amazing cd. the script. michael buble. erin mccarley.

currently obsessing over all things piano*

my daddy has bronchitis. and he breathes near me. *eugh* im getting really sick.

so to cheer me up, danna gave me a yummy stroopwafel. and an invite to a fashionshow at the capegrace hotel*

the kommetjie roadtrip was wonderful. everything was so beautiful. wow. awestruck by creation. romantic walk on the beach. built a house with luke. freshly baked scones. supporting andy schleck. B and i found our house. number 64 :) it's perfect*

we watched lawabidingcitizen again. snoekie made delicious brownies. and i wore my sethcohen chrismukkah jersey. everything feels right* perfect timing. perfectly situated. perfect love.

fact of the day: thefuelteam sucks at prank calling. shame.

enchantedhappy xoxo

"do you think amethysts can be the souls of good violets?"*

today, i followed danna's advice and went to schwarma express. for the most delicious falafel in the world! a minute away from the office. for twenty rand! (that's two dollars, jessicasmith. lol.) life-changing. and it's such a lovely lil fresh lunch place* mmm so yummy and healthy and colourful and did i say delicious? bc it is.

 i feel happy and wholesome inside :)

it's weekend. and i feel like being with you, doing nothing. drinking 'the best hotchocolate in the world'. singing the wrong lyrics to upbeat songs. watching you laugh at my rockband skills. and telling me you love me as i laugh out loud at disneychannel.

and now i shall go back to completing my list. and reading the beautifully-written thoughts of daisychain-makers. and lantern-lighters. and pretty girls who wish on stars.

"i know it is ever so simple

but i felt obliged to showing my love for tea
theres something so soothing about pouring steaming hot water onto those tea leaves

to watch them lift up in the water and swirl around

like a sycamore seed in the wind

turning the once so plain water

into reflections of the night sky

or the sunrise upon the hillside

everything melts into love for 10 minutes

when youre holding a cup of tea"

-paperdollsandknittedgrass

happy friday, everyone. chaz comes home today. it is a day for magic*
enchantedhappy xoxo

meant to publish this lastnight*

yesterday i: learnt that in madagascar, on our way to the hospital each morning, we walk along the beach. fell in love with jo's puppy. renamed jo's puppy. succesfully made a meal. hijacked jo's fb. spent all day with medical council folders. ate four pears. found chloe's skirt. contemplated the similarities between love and death.

today i: woke up with superfastjellyfish stuck in my head.-still going. now i just feel like fruitloops. then i realised ive never had luckycharms. and kinda feel left out. found a really pretty keyring for missadachi.

jo is moving. into her own place. gosh. *so jealous* and so sad. so many memories in her house. so many things i thought we'd always do there. oh well.

went to greenmarketsquare on a hunt. such beautiful jewellery. felt so horrible being like 'no thank you, im just looking'. it's weird that that's my automatic response. it's like.. growing up i've been.. desensitized. you want two rand? no, i can smell the alcohol alll over you. i'm not gonna give you money to feed into your addiction. but then i just walk away. surely that's worse. i guess i could justify it by sayin that i'm using my discretion. and there are some people who have stopped trying to improve their situations, relying on begging and sleeping on the streets. i once met a man who had lost all his family bc his wife lied to her new boyfriend, and basically stole their house away from him. he has by no means lost his will to live, but he doesn't see the need to get a job and find a house or reunite with his children. he continues to smoke and is quite happy to live on the streets. -something i can't understand. but does that give me reason to decide if he should get lunch today or not? on the other hand, should it be my responsibility?

[overthinking today lol]

stalking cadbury. and celebrities. for work. yes, i have the greatest job.

enchantedhappy xoxo

don't hesitate*

[i'm planting mint outside what will be my bedroom. if it ever gets done]

i think frailbeauty is stalking my life.

"I always do this. I always screw things up. I always make a big deal out of the smallest things. I don’t know why I get so upset over such insignificant matters. And honestly, if I look at it objectively, I can see how foolishly it is that I’m acting. It doesn’t matter, though. Because objectivity is not my reality. Far from it. What I feel is never objective and I don’t think it ever will be.

Like, it doesn’t hurt me. Usually. But when that insecurity is directly tied to you, it hurts like hell. And I wish it didn’t. I bring it upon myself and then I ruin things for both of us.

I’m sorry I get so upset.
I’m sorry I’m so horrible when I do.
I’m truly sorry, I’m not just saying that.

And I know that I should change, and I do try in my own way… But… I don’t think I’ll ever be that logical. I don't think we'll ever think the same way. When it comes to you I’ll always be vulnerable. And honestly, I’m expecting you to give up on me very soon."

[i want that tomorrow morning. please and thank you]

this morning began with theprettyreckless. then the damon-makeitorbreakit song (tightrope by paul freeman). and then reading in the sunshine...

"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."

i am LOVING this book.

(so jealous of your 5th row johnmayer adventure lastnight, jessicasmith!)

at noon, danna and i took a romantic sunny stroll (strange word..) to foodlovers. we literally nearly died twice on the way. (and concluded that we're both not ready to drive yet) but it was worth risking our lives for. "it's like a little piece of heaven". and i found cinnamon cola. -doesn't it sound exciting*

charles, i checked the flight dates. i do leave on the eleventh, haha. i'll be fiiine*

enchantedhappy xoxo

you'll never see me*

currently craving: homemade lemonade. watermelon. cotton dresses. my own apartment*

[since watching gatsby again, i want many bunches of roses in every room of my house]

it's almost my birthday! yes it is*

[haha, love it] tomorrow is madiba's birthday. how will you spend those 67 minutes?

i hope to dream of: fairytales and lemontrees. "nothing sweeter than summer time, and american honey"

enchantedhappy xoxo

your reunion was the cutest*

vespertine \VES-per-tin\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, or occurring in the evening.

"To my own ear, I sound hyperpoetic, and I don't mean to exaggerate these vespertine moods; I think that this restlessness that I am describing was really quite ordinary."

-Peter Gadol, The Long Rain

you gave me the most wonderfully princess and "absolutely andrea" skirt in the whole wide world. and i spent tonight twirling around. and telling people "i'm a princess,look!" im glad you got to witness it, otherwise you may not have believed me... wait, i kinda doubt that. lol 

[these shoes are pretty. maybe i will find them for my birthday outfit.] yesterday was the three months mark. and i found the place. and decided on the dresscode (okay,that one was obvious) and the guestlist. and the activities. yay nineteen* yay princess skirt!

it makes me want to have a romantic picnic here. spending the afternoon in the sunshine. just being. us.

and then to walk home through here with the sunset. and him.

and then on the way to watch the stars we'd have this*(even yummier than today's spoonlesschocolatecustard) and dance around above the city lights.

and if i can't have him (although i'm really really hopeful) then loganlerman would be a fantastic secondbest :)

[everyone is telling me to watch skins these days. had the most brilliant night with the sggs crew. (thankyou chad for having your drivers. and britt for having a car. jack is ..."powerful") i hope you had fun, birthdaygirl! "this is the skin of a killer." "..it's the skin of a mylittlepony" -ru is too legit. almost as legit as warren and greg. sandbar for life* ]

[an independence day wish, just for you*]

"we don't remember days, we remember moments" -but what if the days become the moments? or the moments are the days?

enchantedhappy xoxo