Ten

I remember being ten and having my first crush. His class was upstairs, and every morning he would walk down the stairs in his blazer. The big parking lot seemed like it moved in slow motion. I remember staring at his caramel hair, though that's not what I called it then. I just liked the way it moved in the breeze and when he laughed with his friends. 

I remember being ten and having my birthday party feel like my goodbye party, because that's what it was. We invited people I liked during the few years at that school, and we ice-skated for hours. I remember the cold and I remember my outfit, skating to the edge. 

I remember being ten and watching my grandmother cry, and not being sure why I wasn't sad too. I don't remember being saddened by someone's tears before that afternoon. I was confused and heartbroken for her. I remember my soft, green tracksuit that we picked out especially for that day.

I remember a snow globe with my cousin's face in it, a photo we took that day at the airport. I have that snowglobe in my cupboard now. On a shelf with my sequin berets and cupcake-jar of rings. On the other side of the snow globe is a picture of my cat. The one my aunt's looked after while we lived overseas, and never gave back when we came home. 

I remember being ten and walking home from the grocery store, down a main road that felt more open than any place I'd been before. We went to the biggest toy store that day, and I saw hundreds of different dolls. It was giant and full; high walls and loud noises. In the street, I would have believed the world was empty except for us. Like those scenes from movies about the end of the world. 

I remember being ten and waking up cold, on a blue fold-up mattress. Walking across soft carpets that, if I dragged my socks across them, would give me a shock on my parents' bedroom door handle. The kitchen was too-bright and too-cold but the Oreo cereal was exciting every day. 

I was ten when I had my first White Christmas. The adults went for a walk in the icy streets. My mom's red coat always kept her warm. I showed a very clever boy my new purple gift. He's a man now, with a wife and a job in computers. I remember my velvet dress and my mom whispering angrily, that I should offer to help. I told my imaginary friends why that hurt my feelings. The reasons are still the same today. 

I remember being ten and sitting in class, trying to memorize it all. Wanting to be perfect so the moments would last as long as they could. I colored in brightly, and jumped as high as I could even though sports wasn't something I liked or was good at. I examined plants and spent hours choosing the best stationery. 

I remember my Harry Potter backpack and the cinema where we watched the first movie. I bought the TV guide that week because Hermione was on the cover. I was ten years old and so we they, but their photographs were in glossy magazines and their laughter was on the Internet. I learned the different types of British accent by staying up late listening to their interviews.

The most magical memory of being ten,  I will keep in my heart so it's always safe. We walked through autumn leaves and they danced around us like fairies. I was ten and I knew everything would be okay. 

dearLY*

you make me happy.

more happy than this photograph

of snow and sparkliness and christmas

three things i really love.

bc more than those

i love your pretty brown hair

and that your ipod always has the best music

i love that you let me email you at 3am

and you never get mad about it

i love that you seem to think im something special

someone worth your time

i love that we like the same songs

and that you pvr disneychannel

i love you more than that hotchocolate

more than my desire to buy candycanes

more than romantic roadtrips

more than staring up at the sky*

you are wonderful, leigh leigh

you light up my life

xoxo

tears at seventhirty*

dream places,

like all fragile things,

are always best

in winter

when the sun is low

and shadows long.

when shallow breaths

taste the chill air

laced with cinnamon

and fire

and delicately

is the only way

to hold anything.

like old china tea cups

and christmas tree baubles.

(the painted glass kind.)

and hearts

of course.

-cloud gatherer hold me down

hearbreaking moment at thesoupkitchen this evening. actually, i take that back. it was heartwarming. inspiring, even. aaand i baked delicious scones.-turns out there's hope yet. having the weirdest moment looking back to how this day started.and transformed into joy. feels like it may be ending the same way though. aaaaand now. i must go wash my hair (ughhhh..) no more avoiding it. we were like sisters. but haven't seen her in... forever. nine am: reunite. i have to be in a z-card shoot to save her education.

enchantedhappy xoxo

a cannonball into the water..*

W is beautiful. it's actually insane how incredibly gorgeous she is. flip. and i love this photograph.

anyway it's like 3am and i should be going to bed. tomorrow is tidy-the-house-bc-people-are-coming-over day. dang. and it's roz's mom's birthday. it's also sarahjane's sister's sixteenth :) yay! technically those are today. but let's not go there. my electric blanket calls to me. all warm and welcoming.. mmm :) but so is my external harddrive..filled with wonderful movies and tv shows.. *sigh* the tough decisions one has to make..life is so difficult without school haha*

i really wanted to end off with some textsfromlastnight quotes, but it's just not working. oh well fml it shall be..

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

..they just aren't as great as they used to be. still enjoyable though. haha

anyway im listening to the always-magical 'for you i will' ... and wishing for it to be christmas. i will dream of candycanes and pretty lights. expect a christmas-themed post in the near future. unless tomorrow is suddenly christmas. like in that movie they used to play every year. bc then i would be out enjoying it :)

it's clear that i am tired. right now, i would like indigo maryjanes. with very high heels. kinda chunky. soft. velvet. with a detailed gold buckle. yesss :) happy weekend*

enchantedhappy xoxo

i love my reindeer aliceband*

i'm so excited for christmas time :) my mom wont let me decorate the house yet (gosh..) so i've been playing carols and wearing my reindeer aliceband allll day*

anyway i have to go study for history. or pretend to study... we'll see ;)

enchantedhappy xoxo