i'm not upset bc you left. i'm upset bc you were the only one who could see what i was really feeling. the only one who knew of the thoughts rushing through my mind. the only one who could see that i was about to cry. and when i called to you, when i needed you, you were caught up in your own frustration. you left me and without a moment's consideration, you forgot about my pain.
it's misty and i'm tired. i'm pretty sure it just began to rain. (buuut that might just be the dishwasher?) i feel like the world is spinning way too fast for me to catch my breath. and above all the chaos, you're both telling me to take the risk. but im freaking out. atleast if it failed when you were here, i could run to you when it hurt. now, you'll know. but you can't hug me til i cry. i can't lie with you until i breathe steady, until i think clearly. and you cant make it feel better without words.
more than anything right now... i want to spend a week there. drinking endless amounts of tea and reading old books all day. watching the sun set. lighting candles. eating marshmellows and writing in my journal all night. i don't say it enough, bc it comes so naturally... us. but don't ever forget: you mean the world to me.
i do, however, say this more than enough: taylor momsen is the greatest.
in other news of the day: taco night was legit. i have incredible friends. i am constantly struck by the brilliance of operationsmile south africa. i can't wait for missadachi to experience capetown! stefan and mona leave tomorrow. my heart is so sad about it. well, on that note...
goodnight. i must complete a poster and then watch greys.
added on 43things today: to ride in a hotair balloon. to be taken on the greatest date. for my nineteenth to be everything ive dreamed. to be able to roar like simba.