A kiss is never just a kiss

1. It was a week filled with laughter, and eyes glittering with knowing; a week spent talking about Starbucks coffee and life in Ireland, a week of knowing we'd kiss. I knew that I would miss you, and speak about you when I got home and I guess I knew you liked me because you kissed me goodbye. (But then because you kissed me, I never said your name aloud again.) You kissed me goodbye, and it feels like every kiss since then whispers those same words.

2. ('Lets pretend the first time didn't happen the way it did', we always said. But we always brought it up. We always wished the first time was in the ocean, when I realised I trusted you completely.) You spoke your truth and my heart burst, you were the first of my can't-resist kisses. The kind I enjoy the most.

3. With you, it all happened too fast. I let it happen, but it felt like I was watching myself with you. I liked it because it was new, but I knew I shouldn't be there, not like that. I was scared and you were fascinated by me, and very very good at distracting me with your celestial good looks and charm. But I was empty inside and your kisses couldn't break that.

4. He went away and he left me behind and I missed him but I had chosen not to follow him and, oh it was dark and suddenly you were cute and oh look I want to kiss you so I did. You tasted like cigarettes and smiled like a little boy. You were living as though life was a big, fun adventure, and I loved the way your eyes sparkled with that.