Wednesday, August 18, 2010

she thought aloud. to you*

I am not a troubled girl.
I trust.
In the one who created everything I see around me.
The sky. Autumn’s leaves. Your eyes.
In the one who knows every thought I’ve ever had.
Every dream I’ve ever wished upon a star.
Each of my hopes. And which of them will come true.

I trust.
In the beauty of our friendship.
In the person I am with you.
In your judgement.
Because you look to Him to know what’s right.
I trust in honesty.
Me to you, and your heart to mine.
I am not a troubled girl.
I love.
That she’s in my life.
That she knows me better than I know myself.
My thoughts before I think them.
What I want out of life.
Who I need in the moment.

I love.
Smiling to myself when I’m proud of you.
Dancing in the street.
To listen to his heartbeat.
He trusted me, he let me in.
But he no longer sees the man I saw him become.
He no longer sees himself through my heart.
He doubted my trust.
So he broke it.

I love never being afraid to hope.
“I love us.”
It’s not just a good movie quote.
I am not a troubled girl.
I know.
The strength it takes to recover.

What I believe in.

Who I want to be.

The light I want to shine.

The impact I will make in this world.

Who’s hearts I want my life to reflect.

I’m certain. I’ve decided.

I know.

Sometimes I don’t understand.
Sometimes it breaks my heart.
Sometimes not everything matches.
Your thoughts. My fears. Their actions.
Sometimes it hurts.
And I want to run.

But to, or from?
He’s already holding my heart.
He always holds me together.
You never have to worry.
He is my King. My rock. My only hope.
I am His precious daughter.
Nothing satisfies like His Word.
No one consoles like His Spirit.
The light He shines through my heart.

Only, sometimes. (And there shouldn’t be an only)
But sometimes. I stop and wonder.
Who will hold me when my insides shatter?
When I trust His plan,
When I know it’ll be okay.
But I can’t stop shaking.
Not knowing that.
The uncertainty in relationships.
The unpredictability my world is a testament to.

Makes me human.
Not troubled.
Not unworthy of truth; not betrayed.
(Sometimes betrayed)
But that I know betrayal for what it is, is a blessing in itself.

A blessing.
Soak it in, Andrea. You are blessed.
Your life thus far.
You always dreaming big.
The people who have shaped your life.
The way you know your heart.
The times you let them in.
This moment.
A blessing.

enchantedhappy xoxo

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