Sunday, February 3, 2013

Even when it hurts

It's really hard, on days like today when things feel a little too heavy and my bones feel a little too fragile to last as long as they should. On days when I realise, I can't go out with the friends I used to, and when another part of me realises I don't want to. On days when I wanted to read books and write letters and laugh with my family, and medication drains all the hours away and suddenly two days have passed and I missed them. On days when my whole body is filled with a sadness so deep I am drowning in it until I can focus enough to find strength and take time to come up for air. It's exhausting, and I sometimes wish I could just cry and cry for days until everything calms down, but then I remember it won't, and I remember I need to fight, and I remember that I prayed so hard for so long, because I wanted a chance to fight and now I have it. So even when it aches, and even when I feel too fragile, I wake up and breathe deep and I pray for strength and light and air. Every day I fight to love this precious gift of life, and every day I am gentle with my little body and my big heart. Because even when it hurts, I am precious; and even when it hurts, I wanted to stay. I wanted to bring light and hope and to heal hearts with my faith. Even when it hurts, I am worth it. Even when it hurts, this is where I'm meant to be.

{Songs: Ben Rector - Without You, and When a Heart Breaks}

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