Monday, July 19, 2010

don't hesitate*

[i'm planting mint outside what will be my bedroom. if it ever gets done]
i think frailbeauty is stalking my life.
"I always do this. I always screw things up. I always make a big deal out of the smallest things. I don’t know why I get so upset over such insignificant matters. And honestly, if I look at it objectively, I can see how foolishly it is that I’m acting. It doesn’t matter, though. Because objectivity is not my reality. Far from it. What I feel is never objective and I don’t think it ever will be.
Like, it doesn’t hurt me. Usually. But when that insecurity is directly tied to you, it hurts like hell. And I wish it didn’t. I bring it upon myself and then I ruin things for both of us.

I’m sorry I get so upset.
I’m sorry I’m so horrible when I do.
I’m truly sorry, I’m not just saying that.
And I know that I should change, and I do try in my own way… But… I don’t think I’ll ever be that logical. I don't think we'll ever think the same way. When it comes to you I’ll always be vulnerable. And honestly, I’m expecting you to give up on me very soon."
[i want that tomorrow morning. please and thank you]
this morning began with theprettyreckless. then the damon-makeitorbreakit song (tightrope by paul freeman). and then reading in the sunshine...
"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."
i am LOVING this book.
(so jealous of your 5th row johnmayer adventure lastnight, jessicasmith!)
at noon, danna and i took a romantic sunny stroll (strange word..) to foodlovers. we literally nearly died twice on the way. (and concluded that we're both not ready to drive yet) but it was worth risking our lives for. "it's like a little piece of heaven". and i found cinnamon cola. -doesn't it sound exciting*
charles, i checked the flight dates. i do leave on the eleventh, haha. i'll be fiiine*

enchantedhappy xoxo

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