im holding every breath for you*

 i keep replaying the conversation in my head. i keep hearing you say it. "im extending"

i haven't stopped crying since. i woke up at 6 this morning, id been crying in my sleep. it keeps happening in my head, and i still don't understand. it hurts; physically hurts. as if my chest has been torn apart. it hurts more than anything before. everything hurts and i don't understand and i can't stop crying and nothing can make it better. bc you're not here. and you're not coming back.

 and there's no real point in blogging this, except that things only make sense to me when i've written it down. there's no reason why everyone should be able to see this; but there's no reason why they shouldn't, i guess. i think that if i make it look pretty, if i put it here, i could maybe begin to see that it's real.

im so proud of you, though. genuinely and completely. in so many ways. the strong woman you're growing up to be, the love you have for your host family, the courage you have, the risks you're taking, your dependance on God, and the fact that you still have the audacity to call me a loser.

 i love you more than i could ever put into words.

{vanilla twilight by owlcity}

xoxo